Friday Five: Bad Church Signs

These are actual words from church signs around here. I’ve put them into the Church Sign Generator to protect their privacy.

Bad Church Signs:

churchsignHave they ever heard of Ephesians 4:6? “Be angry and do not sin.” Apparently there is nothing wrong with anger, but Christianity seems to fear righteous wrath of the saints and tries to stamp out any occurrence. Bad form, Lighthouse church. Bad form.

 

churchsign1Because when things are going crazy, we don’t want someone who is on top of the situation and in charge. All we want is someone calm. Oh, yes, being calm totally takes care of all your problems when a storm shows up. Why would we ever want a calm sea when we can stand here in the middle of chaos and be calm ourselves?

HAS THIS PERSON EVER HAD A STORM IN HIS LIFE??

(Also, I picture a stoned sailor smoking weed in the middle of a torrential downpour when I see this sign.)

churchsign3Funny, I thought actions were what you did and character was intrinsic. Also, “character” is supposed to be a neutral term that has migrated to mean “anything good”. Whatever happened to “bad character,” “lazy character,” and “poor character”?

 

churchsign4So if God “wills everyone to be saved,” does that mean it has happened just like he willed the universe into existence? Poor choice of words if they meant “wants” instead. It looks like they smacked a version 1 Timothy 2:4 up there (“This is good, and it pleases God our Savior, who wants everyone to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth,”) and didn’t check for more current wording.

 

churchsign5I love this one. Discipleship gets on the cross? Like, you know, Jesus did?? So we can totally be like God, yeah? And be lauded for our sacrificial natures! What’s that? There’s a verse about being glorified by men and how that’s all the reward we’ll get? Well, shoot.

Automated Service Coming Soon!

A small “unidentified flying object” that has been seen over Shanghai’s Huangpu River in recent days has been revealed to be a remote controlled plane being used to deliver cakes, reported Shanghai-based news website eastday.com.

–UFO In Shanghai Found to Be Cake Deliverer

There is so much that could be said about this. I want to theorize on the future of delivery service, automated systems which replace people, the likelihood of accidents such as things falling out of the drone, and whether the technology will be able to overcome the fact that it still requires a live human to drive and deliver food properly.

But my really, truly first thought? If we’re being honest?

It was, “Huh. How ‘Kiki’s Delivery Service‘ of them.”